S.O.S.-Save Our Septic® Volume 1: Not the Kind of Pool We Had in Mind
Synopsis: A failing septic system disrupts more than just your lawn and lives; it disrupts plans for your property.
Application: Retrofit an existing failing septic system with RetroFAST® Septic System Enhancement
John and Joan Johnson stepped eagerly out onto their back patio. They’d been talking about installing a pool for months. It was time to get serious. But as soon as they saw the state of the yard, their jaws dropped.
Overnight, the small expanse of green grass had been flooded with black puddles. Their jaws slammed shut an instant later as the stench hit them. This was definitely not rainwater and definitely not the type of pool they had in mind.
They quickly retreated into the house and Joan reached for her cell phone. After a few years of life with a septic system, she’d discovered the value of a septic service pumper. They were on a first-name basis.
“Yeah, Mike, we’re pretty sure the system is backed up. Could you send someone over?”
That afternoon, as Joan and John watched from the patio door, Mike was peering into the subterranean septic tank and shaking his head.
Diagnosing the Problem
“Yep,” he reported. “Both your septic system and the drain field are clogged with layers of undigested solid waste from the tank. The system has failed biologically, and now we need to get the drain field to perk.”
“Perk?” asked Joan.
“Return to normal so that it doesn’t let anything rise to the surface of the yard,” Mike explained.
“What would that entail?” asked John.
“Well, one option is to replace the tank and drain field, basically the entire system.”
“Ouch, what would that cost?” John asked warily.
“Thousands,” said Mike simply.
“Well, there goes the pool,” Joan thought, sharing a nervous glance with John.
“Any other options?” she asked Mike.
“Actually, there is. Let me call an associate of mine. She can tell you more.”
The Service Provider calls for “Back-up”
Mike hit a button on his phone, and almost immediately, John and Joan heard a distinctly female voice answer, “Hey, Mike!
“We’ve got a backed-up system here. Think you could drop by?”
It was the second jaw-dropping moment of the day. John and Joan watched as a figure descended gently in their yard, accompanied by the soft whirr of a jet backpack powering down.
“It’s . . . she’s a. . .,” Joan started speaking but gave up and frankly stared. The shape was decidedly female, but seemed to be composed entirely of blue and gray plastic and stainless steel septic tank parts. But her bright digital smile and the light in her blue eyes projected a definite human warmth.
“John, Joan, this is Aerobe. She’s a special agent from BioMicrobics. We call her Bubbles.”
“Was that a bionic eye roll?” John wondered to himself, as Aerobe gave a rueful little laugh.
“I’m an aeration specialist.” She then looked directly at Mike, “…someone else came up with the unfortunate nickname.”
Mike grinned broadly, “But when a tank is plugged, Bubbles is the answer. Tell them about RetroFAST®.”
Aerobe explained, “With RetroFAST, most treatment action occurs in the tank prior to going out in the field. It keeps your tank supplied with enough oxygen to prevent clogged layers from ever forming. That prolongs the life of your drain field.”
“That all sounds good,” said John, “but it sounds like we still have to replace the existing system.”
“Not at all,” explained Aerobe airily. “A RetroFAST installs directly into your existing tank.”
“Wow,” said Joan. “Could you give us some more info about it?”
“Certainly! Here’s our brochure. And, you can go to biomicrobics.com and click the ‘Products’ button at the top. Check it out! And here’s my card if you have any more questions.”
The card read: Aerobe: BioMicrobics Onsite Treatment Specialist (B.O.T.S.).”
“Well, gotta jet. Nice to meet you, Joan, John. Mike, always fun.” The jetpack whirred back to life and she disappeared into the blue sky.
The Tipping Point
Avoiding the backyard, John and Joan focused instead on RetroFAST research, crunched the costs, and added up the benefits. The tipping point was that they would see results as quickly as two weeks. They called their BioMicrobics distributor and ordered the system.
“And now we wait,” John said.
“Not for long,” Joan responded. “We just got an email confirming delivery. They’re sending someone to install the RetroFAST named, uh, Robust.”
A few days later, Joan opened the door to a tall, bionic man, looking a lot like Aerobe, but with steely brown eyes and a muscular build.
“Hi, you must be Robust.”
“Guilty as charged,” said Robust. “You can call me Rob if you like,” he added, offering his hand. Joan hesitated a second, thinking “this guy could crush every bone in my hand.”
His grip was firm but, as with Aerobe, surprising warm and human.
Rob grinned and said, “What do you say we get this RetroFAST installed?”
“That’s music to our ears,” John answered with relief.
Robust promptly walked back to the truck, where another installer from the distributing company was waiting. There was no question of Duane’s humanity. He opened the back of the truck, climbed in, and sweating and puffing, slowly pushed a sizeable box toward Robust.
“You got it, Rob?” asked Duane.
“Yep. See you out back,” said Rob, lifting the box easily and flying over the house.
Duane grinned as John stared open-mouthed. “Yeah, B.O.T.S. are cool. But a bit of a show-off.”
Within a few hours, Rob and Duane had set up and activated the RetroFAST. They high-fived each other, and Duane drove away.
Robust began going over the user’s manual with John and Joan.
“If it has any problems, I’ll know it,” Robust said, pointing to his TRACK belt buckle.
“One last question,” Joan said, a bit hesitantly, “doesn’t the, uh, aroma, ever bother you?”
“No, ma’am,” he smiled, pointing to a control panel under one of his chest plates, “I simply switch off my olfactory sensors.”
He activated his jet backpack, gave a final wave to John and Joan, and sprang into the air.
“Now, where were we?” John asked. “Oh, yeah, we were planning a pool. I’m thinking zero entry, and maybe a low diving board.”
But Joan was still gazing skyward. She looked back at John, “How does the cost of a pool compare to, say, his-and-her jet backpacks?”
– Fin –